Programmer joke...

[Ryan Thompson]

Kevin D. Kinsey, DaleCo, S.P. wrote to chat at freebsd.org:

> Anyone got a good programmer joke?

Well, I came up with this the other day:

I really miss the days where spam was a mystery meat, viruses were
treatable primarily with chicken soup and bedrest, and an "inbox" was
something in which I could put all of my Atari manuals. Émail was a
material used to glaze ceramics. Servers were the people you tipped well
if they didn't fsck up your order. Procedures were followed, not
debugged. Functions were things you dressed up for.  Threads were
stylin', and not so prone to memory leaks. Bootstraps were... well, they
were bootstraps. Power bars contained carbohydrates.  Unattended backups
were what happened when your toilet overflowed while you were away on
vacation. Keyboards were friendly (honestly, when did you ever hear of
an ill-tempered clavier?). Mice were always cordless. File systems could
be designed and implemented by minimum-wage secretarial help. If you
made a new device, you got a patent, not a major number. Mounting
special devices was generally done against doctor's orders.  Batches of
things were generally edible, not editable. A brute force crypt attack
usually involved a mallet and a wooden stake. Less was only sometimes
more. Scripts were generally well-written. The answer to "whoami" wasn't
limited to sixteen alpha-numeric characters. Windows were transparent
and could be replaced without having to also re-install one's appliances
and re-re-decorate.  Jails had exercise programs. Trees had the leaves
on top.  Hash functions were a lot more laid back. Stack smashing was
really only popular among violent extremists.  Excel was a verb, and it
had positive connotations.  "named" was correctly monosyllabic.  Hooks
suspended coats and caught fish for supper.  Goals in bus architecture
included seating capacity and fuel economy.  North bridges and south
bridges could be quenched with water if they caught fire.  Rust was
about the only thing one had to watch for on one's chassis.  Menus
didn't need keyboard shortcuts.  Registers were the things one filled
out at weddings and such.  Loop unrolling, you might do with say, an
extension cord. Pointers didn't require dereferencing to be useful.
Most people knew what "or" meant.  People who attempted to send messages
to objects were given better drugs.  Classes usually had at least one
hot girl (or guy).  Hacking either involved chest congestion, or a big
knife, or both.  Pirates had cool ships.

- Ryan

-- 
  Ryan Thompson <ryan at sasknow.com>

  SaskNow Technologies - http://www.sasknow.com
  901-1st Avenue North - Saskatoon, SK - S7K 1Y4

        Tel: 306-664-3600   Fax: 306-244-7037   Saskatoon
  Toll-Free: 877-727-5669     (877-SASKNOW)     North America