Programmer joke...

[Ronny Hippler]

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On Wed, 17 Mar 2004 12:49:53 -0600, Kevin D. Kinsey, DaleCo, S.P.
wrote:

>Anyone got a good programmer joke?

oldie but goodie.....

     Programmer's Guide to Shooting Yourself in the Foot.

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering
you a blindfold and last cigarette.

APL: GN í FT ^ BLT

BASIC (Interpreted): You shoot yourslf in the foot with a water pistol
until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.

BASIC (Compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD
missile launcher.

C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the
foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.

COBOL: USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER
ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE. RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO
HIP.HOLSTER

csh: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot
the computer and switch to C.

dBase: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company
and are promised to work, so you buy them. Then you find out that the
next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot
bullets.

Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
of toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway since no exception
processing
was anticipated.

Modula-2: You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with
what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.

Pascal: Same as Modula-2 except the bullet is not the right type for
the
gun and your hand is blown off.

PL/1: After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and
drops the original on your foot.

Smalltalk, Actor, Et al.: After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks
the programming manager shoots you in the head.

Snobol: Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a
bullet.
Ronny Hippler || Spartanburg SC
http://www.vr5.dyndns.org:8008/ || ftp://ftp.vr5.dyndns.org:2112/
For PGP key email with "PGPKey" in the subject

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