docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some rough edges

[Benjamin Kaduk]

The following reply was made to PR docs/160269; it has been noted by GNATS.

From: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk at MIT.EDU>
To: Warren Block <wblock at wonkity.com>
Cc: freebsd-gnats-submit at freebsd.org, freebsd-doc at freebsd.org
Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some
 rough	edges
Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2011 22:15:50 -0400 (EDT)

 With all due respect to Garrett [but not his mail client's handling of 
 whitespace],
 
 On Mon, 29 Aug 2011, Warren Block wrote:
 
 >
 > --- en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml.orig	2011-08-28 17:57:28.000000000 -0600
 > +++ en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml	2011-08-28 18:35:33.000000000 -0600
 > @@ -1380,16 +1380,16 @@
 > 	    <title>WPA with EAP-TLS</title>
 >
 > 	    <para>The second way to use WPA is with an 802.1X backend
 > -	      authentication server, in this case WPA is called
 > -	      WPA-Enterprise to make difference with the less secure
 > -	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.  The
 > -	      authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
 > +	      authentication server.  In this case WPA is called
 > +	      WPA-Enterprise to differentiate it from the less secure
 > +	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.
 > +	      Authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
 > 	      (Extensible Authentication Protocol).</para>
 
 This doesn't feel quite right; I would use "is based on the Extensible 
 Authentication Protocol (EAP)."
 
 >
 > 	    <para>EAP does not come with an encryption method, it was
 > 	      decided to embed EAP inside an encrypted tunnel.  Many
 > -	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed,
 > -	      the most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
 > +	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed.
 > +	      The most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
 > 	      EAP-PEAP.</para>
 >
 > 	    <para>EAP-TLS (EAP with Transport Layer Security) is a
 > @@ -1610,9 +1610,9 @@
 > 	      certificate to authenticate clients by creating an
 > 	      encrypted TLS tunnel between the client and the
 > 	      authentication server, which protects the ensuing
 > -	      exchange of authentication information.  In term of
 > +	      exchange of authentication information.  In terms of
 > 	      security the difference between EAP-TTLS and PEAP is
 > -	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in
 > +	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in the
 > 	      clear, only the password is sent in the encrypted TLS
 > 	      tunnel.  EAP-TTLS will use the TLS tunnel for both
 
 As Garrett mentions, this sentence is getting pretty long.
 I would put a comma after "security", and a linking word before "only the 
 password is sent ...".  Maybe "meaning", or "so that".
 
 > 	      username and password.</para>
 > @@ -1661,7 +1661,7 @@
 > 		  first phase of the authentication (the TLS
 > 		  tunnel).  According to the authentication server
 > 		  used, you will have to specify a specific label
 > -		  for the authentication.  Most of time, the label
 > +		  for the authentication.  Most of the time, the label
 
 I think the "the" in "the authentication" is not needed.
 
 > 		  will be <quote>client EAP encryption</quote> which
 > 		  is set by using <literal>peaplabel=0</literal>.
 > 		  More information can be found in the
 > @@ -1861,8 +1861,8 @@
 > 	<para>This output displays the card capabilities; the
 > 	  <literal>HOSTAP</literal> word confirms this wireless card
 > 	  can act as an Access Point.  Various supported ciphers are
 > -	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., these informations
 > -	  are important to know what security protocols could be set
 > +	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., this information
 
 I would change this comma to a full stop.  (Maybe a semicolon, but it 
 would be a bit odd to have colon and semicolon in such proximity.)
 
 Thanks for assembling all these fixes into a patch!
 
 -Ben Kaduk
 
 > +	  is important to know what security protocols could be set
 > 	  on the Access Point.</para>
 >
 > 	<para>The wireless device can only be put into hostap mode